The truth.

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Let’s talk about something.

People realize a lot of things when they’re alone and bored. People get themselves occupied to distract themselves from the harsh truth that our parents protect us from. People refuse to open their eyes to the reality we live in. People are hypocrites. I’ve said in a blog post earlier about how I love watching people and making stories by just watching them. I was so positive about that, I try to be; all the time. I always try to see things on the brighter side. I CHOOSE to see it that way, because I cannot accept the fact that I live such a sad life. Mom would say: “You’re lucky enough already, you should be happy. You have a roof over your head and you eat three meals a day. Other people strive for that.” I am aware of this fact, but seeing everything now, the poor are sometimes happier than most of us that live comfortable lives. Money makes the world go around. It’s really depressing if you put it in a way like: “It’s a sad fact that a piece of paper makes your life go around.” Not the meaningful things in life like dreams, friends, seeing the sunsets, seeing the stars and etc. Nowadays, you can pay for all those things. Your money makes up who you are. If you get paid under the minimum wage, you’re poor. If you say you just clean the streets for a living, you’re just a dirty rat. People treat you like shit. People will tell you to get a life. It’s upsetting to me how the people who tell the “dirty rats” criticize them and they tell them to “get a life”, when they themselves are not in the right position to say such words. Did they use their “education” to just say something to those people?

I live in a house where my mom describes as “a happy environment”. But the truth is, each year I get older, each year I learn more about the world, that description barely applies to me anymore. They tell me to open up to them if I have a certain problem. I need someone to hear me out, not someone to scold at me when I’m at my weakest. I need someone to understand me. I need someone to talk to. I can’t even mention my dreams to them. You know how frustrating it is to not tell your own parents about your dreams and goals? It’s like holding in your breath underwater for nineteen years. Chinese tradition is not something I am proud of having. I do not plan to carry this on to my children, if I ever have some. They grow up without respect, get spoiled a lot and no manners at all. Nowadays, I have never met a Chinese family with kids that never held an iPad and had manners. I only grew up to be like this because my parents restricted me a lot in doing stuff I wanted, thus I rebelled. I learned so much from the world. It opened my eyes.

When people get comfortable to the lives they are living, they become boring. Sometimes, trying scary stuff on your own is something you need to do for yourself. I wasn’t a very confident teen during my adolescent years, and I am still trying to build up my confidence little by little as of now. But this quote strikes me up to this day: “You are your own best friend. If you’re hurting and you looked at the mirror, would you like seeing your best friend get hurt?” You need to build up yourself because nobody will do it for you. Yeah, people will help you but you’re the one who will take up the task. You’ll need all the bravery and confidence you’ll get, because change is scary stuff, right?

Anyways, it’s my dog’s birthday today, October 2nd; as I type this and the clock strikes at 12. He turns 14 this year, and all he wants is to hang out with my niece and my brothers. My brother tells him to get out because “he stinks” and “he’s dirty”. If it was your birthday, you’re old and you stink, then suddenly people try to get you out of the room just because “you stink and you’re dirty”, would you get hurt? My brother still thinks like a kid, I try to talk to him, listen about what he has to say. I know he needs someone to slap the truth onto his face. He has bullied me several times before; verbally. I’ve shrugged every single one of it off and just let it slide. Once my limit reaches, i’ll be the one to tell him the truth.

I’m sorry for the depressing post, i’ll be back on my feet once I deal with this mess. Just like any other human would do. Distractions.

 

-Nicole

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